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Netflix and Chill

I’ll probably ruffle some feathers with this post but this is true and I’m keeping it real – we are all adults here. Why do guys (and girls) get all bent when you ask if they’re just DTF – that’s down to fu*k for all you people out there that haven’t jumped on the abbreviation train.

We all know how this goes and I am going to just tell it from the ladies side but this goes both ways. You’re texting and he’s all like hey beautiful, good morning gorgeous, etc. for a week or two until you finally have the chance to meet for some dinner or drinks. You keep it casual with dinner, a couple of mambo taxis, and maybe if things went well you get a kiss good night.

Then all of a sudden he’s become the game of chicken master just waiting for you to text him first (insert eye roll here). A couple of days of small talk about the weather and work and what not and finally you’re rolling into Tuesday and thinking well if I’m getting a babysitter then I need to get moving on scheduling these plans for next weekend. You ask, “what does your week look like? Any days you’re available to get together?” and you’re met with the super non-committal reply of “sure” or “I’ll check my schedule” or worse, “I have a busy week but I’ll let you know.” You’re thinking, listen fool, I don’t have time to sit and wait around for you to let me know I have 100 other things I could be doing like one of those black Japanese face masks that might take all night to peel off so I need something concrete. But instead, your fingers type some lame response, “ok great, let me know, looking forward to it” as you change the subject.

Let me digress for a moment, seriously people, you all have Tinder or Bumble; pick your poison, the fact is options abound and if you don’t want to hang out then just say it so I can go back to my app and stop wasting each others time.

Now it’s Wednesday and you’re thinking I’m not texting him because he can’t even give me a response if he wants to hang out or not. I bet he’s busy checking that schedule still. Thursday you’re like F this and send a message and wow miraculously you’re getting more than one and two word replies now. You’re thinking alright I’m in the clear obviously I was just overreacting I’m sure he’s just busy (good angel on your shoulder is in a choke hold right now). Then you try and be all cute and ask for a pic and he tells you that he just got out of the shower. Was that an invitation for me to ask for a naked pic or what? No pic ever comes. Somehow the conversation takes a turn to him asking you for full body shots. I don’t know about you all but when I take selfies I can barely figure out a way to get my head in the shot much less a body shot (mental note do more yoga). Who even has pics on their phone like that? Strippers and Fu*k boys that’s who. You manage to scrounge up some random photos of you with your friends or something and the response is, “the jacket is covering up your body.” No shit? Thank you for that revelation because I had no idea that’s what that thing was called keeping me warm.

You just cut to the chase and ask so what’s up you want to hang out and make plans this weekend? He suggests Netflix and chill. Being pragmatic, I see no harm in just asking so you want to hook up or date? Why is that offensive? I feel like if you just want to hook up then don’t leave the other person guessing just straight up say yes or no. You know this really would save a lot of awkward Netflix and chill moments when you have to kick someone off your couch and tell them they have to go home now because you’re tired.

The lesson for the day is this.. keep dating simple. If you want to Netflix and chill there’s someone out there DTF.