The Art of a Well Crafted Message
You’re going to meet some duds during your forays into the dating world. Happens to the best of us—more than once, usually. You’re not in real trouble until you realize you’re not meeting anybody except bots and boring people who are blander than a toast sandwich. At that point, I hate to say it, but it’s not them. Honey, it’s you. You probably spent a fat chunk of time on your profile, picking out the most flattering pictures and putting your sparkling personality on display, right? Now, ask yourself this: do you spend as much time coming up with first messages and emails? If the answer is anything but “yes,” then your boring emails and flavorless messages are the reason you’re not having any luck. Don’t worry, though. This problem is easy to fix.
Don’t Even Try to Neg
Negging is gross. It’s disrespectful, ignorant, and kind of predatory. The practice that involves subtly—and not-so-subtly—insulting someone as you chat. The negative comment theoretically gets under the person’s skin so that, even if they weren’t interested in you at first, now they want to prove you wrong. You basically make them seek your approval, which is manipulative and just icky. Let me give you an example, “You sound so great something must be wrong with you if you’re single.” No asshole, nothing is wrong with me it’s douche bags like you that make it hard for quality women like me to find a good man. See that’s not good. Don’t do this people.
Only Use Humor if it’s Funny
There’s no tone in text. We don’t even have a sarcasm font yet though I am a fan of emojis but I digress. It’s easy to misinterpret things through text messages and emails. Keep that in mind as you write yours. If a joke requires explanation, don’t use it. If it’s even a little insulting, don’t say it. Could it possibly offend the person you’re messaging? Don’t do it. See the pattern here?
Avoid the Invention of Common Interests
So, you matched with someone who loves woodworking, knitting, muscle cars, cats—something you either don’t like or know nothing about, at any rate. As much as you like the look of this new possibility, don’t invent shared interests. Don’t pretend that you like something when, in reality, you don’t know the first thing about it. Unless you plan on becoming an expert before your first date, your lie will out you. It always does, and there’s nothing more embarrassing than getting called out about something you clearly don’t know. Either take the plunge and see if you like each other in spite of your divergent interests or else move on to the next match—preferably someone who enjoys some of the same things you do.
Steer Clear of the Same Old Questions
What do you do? What are your hobbies? Do you like to travel? Sure, the answers to these questions are important, even enlightening, but the questions themselves are so done. They’re boring. Everyone asks them. Everyone answers them all the time. Ask them what they wanted to grow up to do when they were a kid. Ask them to tell you something they always wanted to try but never did. Ask them if they tried parasailing when they were on their latest vacation. Just ask something interesting. If you don’t know what to ask seriously contact me I will help you but stop flooding people’s inbox with a message they are going to likely delete. You’re just wasting everyone’s time.
Don’t Rely on the Profile
You want to prove that you’ve read a potential match’s profile, but don’t depend on it too much. Don’t just spit back everything you learned from their profile. That sounds like you’re taking a test, not reaching out to meet someone. Sure, use their profile to segue into related topics—just remember that it’s not a study guide. You don’t get points for everything you mention.
Keep your emails and messages lively, even quirky, and you will garner more attention. In fact, throw in a genuine compliment. Parents love to get compliments about their kids, men like to hear you dig their 5 o’clock shadow, and women, we are simple, we love all authentic compliments. 🙂 No one wants to read a boring, cookie cutter message. You can still include jokes and anecdotes, just make sure they don’t require explanation.